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Quotes - Computer
In the RoboCop film, the robot is running the MS-DOS COMMAND.COM
program.
Endless loop: See Loop, endless
Lyall's Conjecture: If a computer cable has one end, then it has
another.
Final definitive version: We can't stand looking at this any more.
Striving to do better, oft we mar what's well. - W. Shakespeare
The programmer awakes one day to find he has become the documentation he
never wrote. Datamation Jan '79
Laws of computer programming -- Any program will expand to fill all
available memory.
I just want your dirty specs. - F. Zappa the analyst.
I got bugs, You got bugs, All God's chilluns got bugs.
When I get to heaven Won't see no more bugs,
Code's bug-free in God's heaven.
Release: A set of kludges issued by the manufacturer which clashes with
the fixes made by the user since the last release.
"Under consideration": We've never heard of it. Kelvin Throop.
The most useless computer tasks are the most fun to do.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Theres always time to do it over and never time to do it right
Do bugs enjoy buggery as much as adults enjoy adultery?
E = MC squared (Expectations = Machine Capacity Squared)
Real programmers don't comment code. If it was hard to write, it should
be hard to understand!
Terminals are the suction cups of the information milking machine
sucking on our knowledge nipples.
Real programmers don't write COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy application
programmers.
Management would rather have 99% of $100,000,000 instead of 95% of
$300,000,000 because 99% sounds better than 95% - Wayne Ratliffe, author
of dBASE
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs the first
woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house,
Not a program was working, not even a browse.
The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care,
Knowing chances of cutover hadn't a prayer.
The users were nestled, all snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the lobby, there arose such a clatter,
That I sprang from my tube to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Super Programmer, oblivious to fear.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name.
On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean,
From weekends and nights in front of a screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger on the ENTER key,
The system came up, and worked perfectly.
The updates, updated; the deletes, they deleted;
The inquires, inquired; and the closing completed.
He tested each whistle, he tested each bell,
With nary a crash, and all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
The client's last changes were even included!
And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but it's not what I want."
- Author Unknown
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